Can’t Resist….

The obvious team strikes again in German as a study proves that women who had dieted or were dieting had greater feelings of guilt when they saw pictures of chocolate.

I’m not the smartest man with a fancy PhD or anything, but my spider sense tells me that when you’ve been eating nothing but rice cakes for three weeks straight, chocolate looks like manna from the heavens, the ambrosia of the gods, and a crave case of White Castle burgers all at the same time. I need a time out before I get all worked up.

Thanks Slashfood for reminding me where that extra weight came from.

The Rising Sun.... Rises Again

I’ll admit, I know nothing about Japan, but it is now the second greatest country in the universe, Manhattan being the first. In Japan, Valentine’s Day is for the guys. They get the gifts, the chocolate, the whole nine yards...and the ladies buy them these gifts willingly. Give me a second; I’m getting a bit choked up. Before you womenfolk get ready to smother me in my sleep (impossible as it is, because I don’t sleep.), the Japanese have a separate Valentine’s Day just for the ladies. Lady Liberty is alive America and her name is Japan.

Hat tip to Slashfood for the article…..forget it, you get a full bow.

Put on Your Helmet On before You Eat

Apparently all enjoyment must be sucked out of life with the banning of tea and toast from being served by a group that meets weekly in England. I would give you more details, but read the thing yourself before I have a brain aneurysm. Apparently our litigious culture has gotten to the point where we are unable to serve prison food to our children for fear of someone burning themselves on toast and bringing in Jackie Chiles to bleed them dry.

What weaklings we are raising today; they fear everything. When I was a child my parents used to intentionally put out food that was hotter than the sun and made of lava. Sure it was cruel, but it taught me an important lesson about life: never eat fire. Years of therapy have taught me that I am stronger because of it.

Thanks Slashfood for making me hate the world

I am the Greatest Romeo ever

Captain Obvious stopped in at Slashfood (Don’t hate me, its just a joke. Come on baby please take me back…Damnit.) to give us a breakdown of what you can do for your mate on Valentine’s Day. They present all of the obvious choices, cook or eat out, get a private chef or cook together, except the most glaring one: don’t eat! Oh anyone can serve food, but it takes a real Casanova to serve Oxygen. And because you care about her looks, you’re taking her latest diet seriously. Its not that you’re cheap though, it was never about the money.

I take romantic to a whole new level.

Perhaps We Need a Match.com for Foodies

Slashfood asks, “Have you or can you date someone with a restrictive diet?” (i.e. vegan, macrobiotic, etc). This is a question I’ve asked myself recently, as to whether I could date someone who was on such a restrictive diet. I pride myself on being willing to eat anything (even the unreasonable, such as raw chicken sushi), and limiting my dieting plans on a daily basis to something wacky may not work. I’d be willing to give it a try (so line up ladies and no fighting, there’s enough barbarian for everyone), but variety is the spice of life and beef, glorious beef, makes life worth living.

I need more than greens in my diet, I need reds and white and the entire rainbow. You know when put that way, special diets seem a bit racist. I believe I’ve just discovered the argument for why I should never go on a diet, and why you are a bad person for doing so. You bigot.