I've got a case of the Platts

Adam Platt (Swoon!) from New York Magazine posted a list of things to look for indicating your meal is going to be crappy. Among the most important are:

- Check the butter.

- Adhere to the Kobe ratio. (“if the word “Kobe” is mentioned on a menu more than twice, chances are your meal will cost a lot of money, and will probably suck.”)

This list is a pretty good general reference to use when going somewhere, but I believe he missed a few points:

- The bread basket. I have the bread basket to be the single most valuable indicator of the quality of the dining experience. Is the bread only so-so? Likely that organic salmon dish you’ve had you eye on will likely be the same. The care and concern gives to one of the fee freebies of a dining experience, shows just how much thought is given to everything else.

- Level of obnoxiousness the maitre’d displays. The highest level and best made food in the city is usually hosted by managers with the utmost professionalism and patience. They generally display the same concern the restaurant does for your overall dining experience. If he/she is a jerk from the get go, what does that tell you about the food? Do not mistake brusque for rude, such as with Peter Luger’s. You’re there to eat, drink, get fat, and go home with the meat sweats. Conversation about anything else is a diversion and a waste of everyone’s time. In the deadly serious game of eating meat, never waste time.